your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yo dont text me then not text me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
