I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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