I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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