im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
