i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
