At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
