he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
