i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
