i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
