I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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