omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
