i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
