sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
