I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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