since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
