Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
