We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate your face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
