my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
