once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
