Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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