Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
