if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
