I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
