Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize