I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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