you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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