May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
