super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
