We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize