You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We are all done wearing pants today
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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