i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
