Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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