It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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