New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize