fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
