Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
