dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
