he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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