mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My liver just had a heart attack.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
