So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
third nipple confirmed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
