gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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