she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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