explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
