Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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