so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
