I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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