mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
