the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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