The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
