is your mom at the bar?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
