how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
