no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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