who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
