I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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