Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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