Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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