Betty ford says i'm here all night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
