I should be sponsored by Trojan
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
