I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
