I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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