Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize