with your own penis?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
