I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
