How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize