I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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